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Many people have precise ideas about what a marriage or relationship should be like. Many of these ideas are nothing more than myths - so simply wrong!
As soon as people find out that you are about to get married, they want to add their mustard right away. People who are married or used to be may tell you anecdotes about their own marriage and offer unsolicited advice on what to do and what not to do. While most people have good intentions, many of these marriage myths are subjective - and frankly, simply wrong.
Our families and acquaintances tell us what they believe in, and these things can be influenced by culture, personal experiences, and / or superstitions. The good news is you don't have to believe these myths. A healthy marriage is all YOU make of it. There are no hard and fast rules to be followed. So before you step to the altar and say "Yes, I do", read up on all marriage myths that, according to the couples therapist, you should completely ignore.
7 marriage myths you shouldn't believe
1. Your counterpart must be your best friend
Just because you will live happily with this person doesn't mean you have to be lifelong best friends. Even if the partner should be your ultimate support system, they don't have to like everything you like or do everything with you. You and your spouse should have the relationship you both want, depending on what you both think is healthy and realistic. Ultimately, you should have fun spending time together, having the intimacy you want, and having a healthy method of solving problems.
2. Every dispute has a solution
Ah. Not really. As often as we are told that there is a solution to every problem, sometimes there is simply none. And that's okay too. Sometimes you have to agree not to agree and let the topic rest. Perhaps there will forever be issues that you'd rather avoid. This does not mean that your marriage is failing or that it is unhealthy. It can only mean that you are two different people who disagree on something. Keep in mind, however, that this myth usually refers to everyday issues that you can let go of. However, if you and your partner cannot agree on a core value (such as children, money, or religion), things may actually be different.
3. Once you get married, all is peace, joy, pancakes
Let's face it: relationships take a lot of work. The problems don't go away once you start wearing rings. A wedding is a party. It is not a magic that solves every problem and brings everything to a shine. All of the problems you had before marriage can and will re-emerge during the marriage. If you feel like you are still having a lot of problems, see a couples therapist before saying yes. This can help resolve some of the problems that you can no longer ignore.
4. After the wedding, there is only bad sex - or none
Comparing your sex life to that of another couple rarely goes well. What works for one couple may not work for another. However, if you are not satisfied with your current sex life, please make sure to talk to your partner. It is important that you share your needs so that both of you know what is missing.
5. Insults are the order of the day
Put simply, no, constant abuse is not OK. No matter how angry you and your future spouse get, you should never yell at each other with vicious curse words. Being angry is NEVER an excuse to be mean. Arguing is also possible without going below the belt. If a discussion reaches this level, the problem may actually be deeper …
6. Never go to bed grumpy
This old myth is far from true. While it may be uncomfortable to go to bed with no solution to a problem, there are times when both of you need time to think before the conversation can be ended or a healthy solution can be found. Insisting on arguing for hours just to avoid going to sleep angry could add and lengthen the tension. Instead, it may be better to interrupt the conversation so that both of you can rest and then approach the problem calmly and clearly.
7. Your spouse must make you happy on all levels
You can never expect one person to meet all of your needs. A healthy, romantic relationship means that you are both individuals, people of your own, who come together to live a life together. And if that means you need time for yourself or you need to spend time with others, do so. Married people need friends too! Basically, it is not healthy or fair to expect him / her to be the only source of your happiness. Love is a multi-faceted thing, and nothing is wrong with your relationship if you believe your needs are being met elsewhere.