Table of contents:
Can it make sense to take a break from the relationship or is it just the first step towards the end of love?
An affair, a long affair, constant pressure, quarrels about the smallest things or simply everyday life that has crept in: If a couple comes to the conclusion that it cannot go on like this, the idea of a "break" will often arise in the Space provided. But do such breaks in the relationship really make sense or are they just the slow and supposedly more humane step towards separation?
Taking a break can be helpful. But only if the frame is precisely defined. The partners should definitely ask themselves these questions before taking a break:
- Do we really * both * want this relationship break?
- What do we expect from a break?
- Do we have friendly exchanges or complete radio silence during the break?
- Are flirts / intimacies with others allowed?
- Where / how do you live?
- Do you have joint appointments? (Birthday parties, weddings of friends …)
- How long do we want to part?
Separation or time out?
If only one part wants a temporary separation, the "relationship break" framework is on a shaky framework from the start. And the question of what to expect from a break should definitely be discussed together beforehand. It is not uncommon for one of the two to actually strive for a real separation for a long time, while the other wants to give their love a new chance. A break only makes sense if both are willing to work on themselves and the relationship.
Contact or radio silence?
Especially when children are involved, it is also essential to clarify the living situation and the length of the break in advance. Couples therapists generally recommend an interval of at least four weeks. At the same time, a break in the relationship should not last * too * long, otherwise there is a risk of losing the connection to one another. If you plan to take a break of more than five weeks, you should keep in touch from time to time so as not to become alienated. One option would be to meet every two weeks, go out to eat, or go on a trip and * not * talk about your current relationship problems. In this way, solutions can be developed during a break that help to find each other more quickly after the break.
Also important: Is sex or flirting with others allowed during the break?
Talk about it or sponge about it?
But what do you actually do during the break in your relationship? Those who just sit out the few weeks of separation will soon be confronted with the same problems again and again. That is why it is so important to work on the partnership during the break in the relationship - and above all to sweep your own door:
- Am I the partner I want to be?
- What do I actually want?
- What do I wish for in the relationship?
- What are our common values?
- What is the reason for my dissatisfaction?
- Am I being respectful of the other person?
- What can WE do so that it gets better from now on?
- What can I do to make the other person feel loved?
- What is good about the break? What am i missing
During the break, self-help books or a couple therapy appointment could be a good way to deal more with yourself and your partnership. But keeping a diary can also help to become aware of one's feelings and unhealthy relationship patterns.
In the best case, a break in the relationship is not the beginning of the end, but a restart towards a happier and freer relationship. In order for this to be possible, however, it is important to deal with yourself and the partnership and not simply fall back into old patterns after a short distance and missing! Much luck!
