Jealousy: Tips from relationship coach Dominik Borde

Jealousy is not only one of the most common relationship killers, it is also very easy to treat. A relationship coach explains what you can do!

Who doesn’t know that uncomfortable feeling when your partner is having a great time and you stand by yourself? Anyone who sees their relationship threatened by a harmless conversation, who monitors and controls their partner, who secretly checks their cell phone or suggests they are flirting, clearly has a problem. A problem with jealousy.

How does jealousy arise?

Jealousy is an emotion that is only apparently triggered by external circumstances, by the behavior of other people. In fact, only one person is responsible for our jealousy: we ourselves. The causes can be varied: In addition to self-doubt and possessiveness, the fundamental attitude that we measure our worth by how much we are loved is particularly fatal. We need someone else's love and attention to make us feel good. And that's exactly what is poison for love, at least thinks Dominik Borde. Over the years, the relationship coach has coached countless men and women who suffered from pathological jealousy. The main features are always the same. "Those affected sense deceit behind every thoughtless word, behind every gesture an attempt to flirt, control and spy on their partner and tyrannize themselves and their partner with attacks of jealousy".

Examples of jealousy

Jealousy drives the partner away

“The best way to get rid of your partner is jealousy,” says Dominik Borde. In fact, morbid jealousy is usually massively stressful for the partner. The life of the other is like a dance on raw eggs, because at any moment a reproach or a vote of no confidence can come. “Only strongly masochistically inclined people can withstand this. For everyone else, the following applies: Anyone who is restricted in this way will, sooner or later, actually look for a new partner”. Some partners then even take refuge in an affair. The so-called self-fulfilling prophecy is then in turn a confirmation for the jealous.

Get out of the jealousy trap

The good news from our experts: "Jealousy is curable!" He always works with his clients in three steps:

1. Self-knowledge: The first step is to realize that jealousy has nothing to do with your partner and that it is not an expression of love. It is one's own fears of being abandoned, of not being good enough, that trigger jealousy.

2. Increase self-esteem: Those affected learn to accept themselves, to find themselves lovable. “This is definitely the toughest fight. Because anyone who has always been convinced for decades that he or she is not worth loving, cannot flip the switch overnight. But it works. Guaranteed,”says Dominik Borde.

3. Get active yourself: If you only stick to your partner, if you constantly circling your partner in your mind, you have no time to feel yourself. Then all experience comes only from the partner, who seems to be much more potent and desirable than you. “Those who are active themselves, who take care of their own social contacts, meet friends, pursue their interests not only have more to tell, but will also more independent and attractive for the partner”, says Borde. Because love means giving freedom.

Jealousy test

If you answered yes to one or more questions, then jealousy is definitely a stressful issue for you.

- Do you think about a possible affair with your partner often or even several times a day?

- Do you react with jealousy when your partner is talking to another woman, another man?

- Do you see co-workers as a potential threat to your relationship?

- Do you really want to know what your partner's work colleagues look like in order to then accuse your partner of flirting?

- Do you watch with suspicion what your partner wears when he or she goes away without you and immediately smells willingness to flirt?

- Are you trying to prevent your partner from seeing friends without you?

- Do you take every opportunity to check your partner's cell phone or other personal belongings for evidence?

- Are you afraid of leaving your partner alone because he could cheat?

- Are you spying on your partner or making control calls to make sure they are not cheating?

- Are you afraid that there will be more interesting, more attractive women or men for your partner?

- Do you often have arguments because of your jealousy?