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It seems so harmless - and yet it is exactly the kind of behavior that will lead to the end of your relationship in the long term. What to Avoid
Watch out, you might feel caught in a moment. For example, do you sometimes roll your eyes in annoyance when your partner says something? Or do you make a sarcastic remark?
Half as wild, you mean. Doesn't happen that often. It's harmless.
I'm sorry to have to tell you: But this behavior is not harmless at all. Unfortunately, it's the death knell for your relationship.
For 40 years, the renowned researcher and couples therapist John Gottman has been researching what makes love last - and which behaviors between couples have a destructive effect on the relationship.
His conclusion: contemptuous behavior such as rolling eyes and making ridiculous remarks is the poison that love decomposes the fastest. Gottman: "There are several indicators of whether a relationship is doomed - but this degrading behavior is the clearest signal."
But how can you curb yourself when you are annoyed? You can't always find your partner great and enthusiastically take in everything they say.
Which behavior is the quickest to destroy love
1
It matters less what you say than HOW you say it. Always remember: It's not what you say, but how you say it that makes all the difference. A drawn-out sigh, an annoyed snort, a sarcastic remark - all of these undermine the security and trust in the relationship. Because the partner wants to be heard and taken seriously. So try to respond in a way that will not cause harm.
2
Delete "whatever" and "don't care" from your vocabulary. When your partner says something and you brush it aside with a "Well, it doesn't matter" or "Anyway," you're basically just saying that you are not responding to what you hear. The signal you send with it: "What you have to say is unimportant." - And no less than a sign of contempt.
3
Avoid sarcasm. Don't ridicule your partner's concerns. And avoid jokes at his own expense. Of course you can joke about habits, every couple has loving teasing. But there is a difference between friendly jokes - and the desire to put the other person down with a remark disguised with a smile.
4
Let the past rest Most couples begin to despise each other because in the course of the relationship many little things have built up into one big problem - but this is desperately suppressed in order to maintain harmony. A fatal mistake, because at some point the pent-up anger breaks its spell in the form of small, pointed and thus poisonous remarks. Better: always address problems directly and in a nonetheless respectful way.
5
Pay attention to your body language. Shrugging, rolling your eyes, wiping your hand away - all of these signals that your relationship is in trouble. In such a passive-aggressive atmosphere, no compromises can be found. Therefore: take a quick breath inside and avoid each other for a few minutes. Do not continue speaking until the emotions have cooled.
6
Don't upset your partner even more. "Why are you puffing yourself up so excessively?" or "Now calm down again!" are remarks that do not irritate but hurt. Because they don't take the partner's feelings seriously, because they only corner him further and provoke him. Let the storm rush by without commenting on it. That's the better tactic.
