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2023 Author: Gabrielle Mercer | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 12:25
The way you argue determines the quality of your relationship. Ouch? Well, there is good news: You can learn to argue better. The Tipps:
Love lives from communication. Honest. It's the most important factor. Those who talk to each other keep an eye on each other and do not lose their partner. So wonderful. But still there is no such thing as everlasting harmony. Quarrel occurs. In every relationship. And especially in these moments, HOW you communicate is particularly important.
After all, it is not the quarrel that often divides couples. But the culture of debate. You quickly become hurtful, you attack, you distribute, you say things that you can no longer get back and that dig deep into the heart of the other as a poisonous sting.
Culture of argument: this is how you learn to argue better
Only when a couple learns to argue properly do they notice how normal and sometimes even constructive a conflict can be. If you manage to resolve discussions and disagreements, nothing will throw you off course so easily. That's why we have the best tips for you on how to fight better.
TAKE A DEEP BREATH. Honest. It's the most important tip of all. In an argument, the emotions boil. But then you act situationally and no longer constructively. Do not address a conflict immediately, take a deep breath, maybe walk around the block for a moment and deliberately develop a strategy for the dispute. What do I actually want to achieve? Let off some steam? Destroy the other? Or do I want you to be able to approach each other again at the end? After taking a deep breath, the opening of a conversation can sound like this: “I heard that you didn't like something and would like to find a solution together, but at the moment I find it difficult to have a constructive conversation. When would be a better time for that?"
A DISPUTE NEEDS THE RIGHT TIME. The distant way your loved one greeted you on the phone the other day, the laundry lying around, the little help with childcare: everyday life offers an extremely large number of opportunities for Grant to build up. And yes: all of these issues should be addressed. Silence only builds up anger. But here, too, the right timing counts: If the mood is already bad, the shot often backfires. Or if you quickly throw a snappy remark at your partner's feet between the door and the hinge, it is rather counterproductive. In order to really resolve a conflict, it takes a relaxed and calm moment.
Rather talk more often than argue. The best argument is the one that doesn't even arise. Experts speak of so-called relationship hygiene when couples allow themselves regular times (for example every first Sunday of the month) to talk about themselves. Incidentally, these dates should be kept even if there is no dispute. All the better; then it can be discussed in detail what is going well.
YOU ARE NOT TALKING TO YOUR ENEMY, BUT TO YOUR PARTNER. Nobody likes to argue. Still it happens. And you don't get more hurtful or angry with anyone than with your own partner. You don't really want to finish them off. But suddenly the opposite becomes the enemy. If you argue, you should urgently change your point of view and consciously remember that you are facing a dear person. And not the very last A…. Anyone who, with such a benevolent attitude, succeeds in questioning the actions of the other person is guaranteed not to discover malice, but rather perhaps a weakness, fear or vulnerability.
DO NOT WORK AGAINST EACH OTHER, BUT WITH EACH OTHER. Anyone who views a conflict as a struggle will never learn to argue properly. If, on the other hand, you try to see it as an opportunity to grow together, you will solve relationship problems better and faster. Note: It's not about leaving the battlefield with a victory. But to leave him hand in hand.
MOST IMPORTANT WORD: SORRY. An apology is not a weakness. And nothing hypocritical either. It takes a lot of effort and strength to admit that you've made mistakes. Therefore, after every argument, an apology should dispel any remaining discomfort and resentment.
In theory, of course, it all sounds wonderful. In this situation it is difficult to pay attention to all of these points. You like to fall into old patterns that you have taken with you from previous relationships or childhood. One cannot always break through these patterns of conflict alone. Sometimes you need professional help for that. A couple session or individual therapy with experts is not a shame, but can help you learn to argue better.