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2023 Author: Gabrielle Mercer | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 12:25
Our beliefs keep us from successfully looking for a partner. This is what the psychologist Melanie Schilling claims. Is that really true?
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"Most singles keep themselves from dating successfully" - this is what the psychologist Melanie Schilling claims to HuffPost Australia. Those who blame society, fate or the opposite sex for being single themselves are, in their opinion, wrong and only cheat on themselves. Well, as if singles didn’t have it difficult enough and didn’t get enough of society Are condemned for living alone, should it be their own fault? Sentences like "You have to go out more often!" or "Give it a try with dating apps!" or "You don't want a boyfriend at all!" are sentences that singles often get to hear anyway. Now should there really be something to it? We took a closer look at the psychologist's thesis.
Self-sabotage
Melanie Schilling aptly calls the behavior that, in her opinion, is subject to being single, for which she is responsible, "self-sabotage". According to this, some people would prevent themselves from creating social interaction or opportunities for dates. "Most people play a significant role in keeping them single," says the psychologist. So we would stand in our own way. In her opinion, the fear of rejection is behind excuses like "Today I don't feel like dating anyway" or "There are no suitable men or women anyway". Well, admittedly, a little fear plays a role. But people who are in relationships have most likely been injured in the past as well. And let's be honest: In addition to the demands of your job, to find enough time for your friends and family, to eat healthily, to do sports, to sleep enough and also to plan a little me-time, you should also be active on dates To take care of? Maybe it's better to "go with the flow" and just let love pass. After all, a lot of relationships arise in the workplace. And what feels like a larger part of them get to know each other through friends and acquaintances. Even from vacation, many no longer return home alone. "Your prince won't knock on the door either" - sentences that you don't like to hear as an (unwanted) single given these facts. Apart from the fact that there are people who like to be single and are absolutely happy with it.
3 categories
Schilling goes on to claim that many singles have no idea why they are single. On the inside, however, they would prevent themselves from successfully looking for a partner. Wanting to protect themselves - according to the psychologist, this is an important factor why many do not even take the risk of becoming emotionally attached. But if you have been single for a long time, you may know it: You are really happy with yourself, you have made peace with all your ex-friends and relationships, you are open to new things and yet sometimes nothing more than a fleeting Gspusi results. In addition, there are many people who are currently not looking for someone because they are not in the mood for a relationship. So you can't go straight to the point of "the singles". Melanie Schilling does exactly that and divides "the singles" or "dating refusers" into 3 categories:
1. Those who believe they are "better off alone"
2. Those who have negative feelings towards the potential partner
3. Those who see a problem in the relationship itself (e.g. do not have time, see negative sides …)
According to Schilling, anyone who sticks to one of these beliefs will certainly not find a relationship. There is something to it. A healthy, positive attitude will almost certainly get us there - whether it's about relationships and love, professional success or other things. We may agree with the Australian a little bit after all. However, several factors definitely play a role in being (unwanted) single. Schilling recommends that all unwanted singles become aware of themselves and become happy with themselves - only then can one have positive relationships in the future.