2023 Author: Gabrielle Mercer | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 12:25
Our life has changed and with it our dating behavior. We asked relationship coaches & psychotherapists: How do I feel about finding a partner?
First Tinder dates by phone, dating thanks to rubber balls and secret meetings despite social distancing: people are creative contemporaries who find it difficult to take normalcy out of their hands. Loopholes are automatically found and exploited so that somehow you still have the feeling that you have everything under control.
It's time to accept something fundamental: Our lives have changed significantly as a result of the Corona crisis and will most likely never be quite the same as before. But that's no reason to panic. Because it can also be an opportunity to break new ground. Especially when it comes to dating life, singles notice that suddenly completely different wishes and hopes are in the foreground.
We spoke to relationship experts about the changes in the partner search. They also give an outlook on dating life after the Corona crisis.
"Singles are just realizing what it feels like to be really alone."
Christian Beer MSc, Psychotherapist & Coach, "Viennese Couch"
"We will continue to date, because our biological system is designed for reproduction. We have three subsystems for this: the attachment system, sexuality and romantic love. Many reputable dating apps or applications try to identify similarities. To get together with someone, who has the same social status, values, hobbies, interests, etc. With apps like Tinder, the first impression counts - the photo of my counterpart. And in times when social contact is in short supply, it can happen that the person projects his or her own wishes and hopes onto one photo.
What might happen through social distancing is a shift in values. Singles feel even more strongly how it feels to be involuntarily and permanently alone. Of course you know that from other situations like Christmas or a birthday. But at those social events, they could often still decide for themselves whether they wanted to be alone or with others. Now there is no choice. But man is a social being and many people who live alone will now feel the deep need, in addition to sexuality and romantic love, to bond.
Already during my psychotherapy I notice that many singles are just realizing how lonely they really are. And that is why there will certainly be a more active search for a partner during and after the crisis."
"The virus enforces physical distance and at the same time creates the need for more closeness and security."
Dominik Borde, MSc, Relationship coach, "social dynamics"
"The Corona crisis forces us to improve our online communication and teaches us how we can build intimacy and closeness despite social distancing. Without the possibility of face-to-face meetings, we learn again to convey more emotions in our online communication. News becomes Written more consciously and with more personal details, video telephony, so that we can look each other in the eye, is becoming more important. We can be reached personally more often and we value the other person's time through greater attention. It is not the technology, but the change in social manners that makes it Difference.
The crisis is an opportunity to learn to surrender to the moment, to be more in the here and now, with what one is currently experiencing and doing. This deepens our human experience and lets us enjoy life more consciously and with more curiosity and attention. We notice how important social contact is to us and how important physical contact is. The virus forces physical distance and at the same time creates the need for more closeness and security. We chat online about personal matters with strangers we would not otherwise have known, move closer together emotionally and have more conscious conversations.
People who were previously less savvy about using the Internet for getting to know each other and flirting are now learning to deal with it and will increasingly be online after the crisis. In addition, the crisis is an opportunity to create a mutual couple story, as more time passes before a date comes in real life. Classic Tinder dates, which usually lead to sexual contact very quickly, are often just a hidden substitute for what we humans want most in our relationships: trust, intimacy and real closeness, it takes time and that we have now."
"Many are planning their new start after Corona."
Mag. Petra Fürst, Relationship coach, "love tips"
"Online dating is booming, not just since Corona, it is currently the only way for singles to get to know potential partners and to flirt. After Corona things will return to normal, but a lot will have changed. We are already used to being online to learn to work online and to communicate online. Most will use every opportunity after the long abstinence from dating to have contact with people again. Corona made many aware that they are alone and miss a partner. Many are now reflecting on their lives and planning their new beginning after Corona.
A good time will come for singles: they will continue to make more contact through online dating and meet up more quickly. Corona has opened our eyes and we have recognized the importance of relationships. Many die-hard long-term singles, women as well as men, will seek love. Singles who used to get annoyed by meeting people while going out can now hardly wait to make eye contact with the sexy single at the bar, cocktail in hand. You want to see, hear and touch each other more than ever before."
"The world will also become even more virtual when it comes to relationships."
DDDr. Karl Isak, Psychotherapist, "Relationship Happiness"
"Relationship is a basic human need. We are not born to loneliness. We find the justification in securing the existence of the human species. Even if procreation is not always in the foreground, the desire for a partnership relationship is stored in the collective memory. That can also be not preventing a virus.
That is why the Internet plays an important role in the "Corona times". Some are looking for a sexual adventure, others a relationship - both must first be found and, if possible, with identical interests. Here is a current example: One of my clients, the 27-year-old Daria (name changed), wants to counteract the restrictions that she perceives as extreme by intensifying her virtual partner search and her efforts have been successful in several ways. Despite the restrictions imposed, your favorite wants a date right away. “He didn't care whether I belong to a risk group or whether I have contact with them. Apparently he just wanted sex, "said Daria, visibly disappointed, in our Skype therapy session. Nevertheless, she will not give up and in her loneliness spends a lot of time in dating portals.
Singles suffer from social distancing and so the virtual search becomes at least a substitute that leads to personal contacts later or by circumventing the rules. In all industries, providers rely on online tools that have been and are pioneers in this area. The few providers who preferred personal contact must now also consider the online alternative. The world will also become even more virtual when it comes to relationships."