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2023 Author: Gabrielle Mercer | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 12:25
Women are masters at apologizing. WE are jostled. And say, "Oh, sorry." 17 situations to which we should apologize. Although we don't have to - and shouldn't.
I am a woman. As such, I have something of an innate reflex to constantly apologize for myself. Somebody bumps into me - I say "Sorry". I want to say something in the meeting - and ring in the sentence with "Uh, sorry …". The impulse to constantly and always for no reason to ask for forgiveness is so deeply anchored in us that we usually don't even notice when we start a conversation again with the stupid E-word …
Do we women apologize so often because we have the feeling that this belittles our behavior, that is, makes it "more excusable"? Is our fear of being considered "difficult" in a career environment that is still male-dominated if we do not make our demands more harmless by apologizing in advance? Do we immediately appear more personable because we apologize?
Why women keep apologizing
Unfortunately, most of the time we apologize for lack of self-confidence. Because we believe that if we ask someone to do their job / be more polite / make a little space so we can sit, we are actually causing problems.
17 things you shouldn't apologize for anymore
We should fight against this conditioning. Here are 17 times most of us will apologize when we don't need to:
WHEN YOU REQUEST ASSISTANCE. No. You don't incriminate other people when you ask them to share, like, or otherwise support an article you've written, an event you're hosting, or a survey that you need to fill out for your master's thesis. Who does not want to do it, should leave it. But there is no need to apologize for asking a favor.
IF YOU ASK SOMEONE TO TAKE A LITTLE SPACE. Uh, humbly beg your pardon for blocking the entire staircase and so I can't come by. Oh sorry! I didn't see you were playing a video game on your phone. I'll just see if I can find the emergency exit - or something like that …
IF YOU JUST DO YOUR JOB. "Sorry, I have to make another phone call." - "Uh, excuse me, may I briefly say something about that?" Stop apologizing and justifying yourself all the time for just doing your job.
WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR DECISIONS. You don’t want children? You want children now, even though the rest of your friends are a long way from there? You never want to get married again? Is your career more important to you than your partner? You don't have to apologize for feeling differently from the rest of those around you.
IF YOU LOOK A LITTLE CRUSHED. Nobody expects you to always look like you're about to show up at a gala. Everyone understands that you mess up with coffee or that your hair is not done properly. The truth: Few of them really notice - your explanation is just drawing more attention to it.
<iframe Sorry, but I really needed THAT. "Exactly. Save the first word in the sentence. And everything is fine.
WHEN YOU REMEMBER SOMETHING TO REMEMBER. Does your girlfriend still owe you money? You absolutely have to visit the parents with your boyfriend this weekend? Always remember: You are apparently the only person who has got their minds together so that they can remember things. So why apologize for that?
IF YOU REPRESENT YOUR OPINION. Do you have a belief that someone else doesn't share? Let's be honest: Presenting a clear opinion or conviction is not something you have to defend yourself for.
WHEN YOU ASK SOMEONE TO STOP AN annoying habit. Your colleague pulls up the snot loudly? Your friend is running through the apartment in dirty shoes? If some habits are bothering you, you can ask that they be stopped. Without playing down your request by saying "I'm very sorry …".
WHEN YOU ASK FOR HELP. Asking someone for help is not a shame. Period.
WHEN YOU NEED TIME FOR YOURSELF. There is no need to apologize for putting your needs first.
IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION. Not only does it cost nothing to ask, it is completely legitimate. And thus nothing that requires a previous apology.
AND ABOVE ALL, YOU DO NOT NEED TO APOLOGIZE YOURSELF FOR NOT BEING PERFECT. Nobody is perfect, right?