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Prince Harry made public that he wants to break the cycle of "genetic pain" in the Royal Family. what does he mean with that? We asked an expert.
Not a week goes by without a headline about the British royal family. But while Prince William and Duchess Kate (here 10 facts about the two they definitely didn't know yet) try to get good news, Harry knocks out one palace secret after the other. Most recently, he reported on the US podcaster Dax Shepard on his program "Armchair Expert" toxic family relationships of the Windsors. He wanted to end this circle of suffering because his father experienced pain in his upbringing and then passed it on to him and William. In this context Harry plays among other things on boarding school times and the strict upbringing at. He describes his everyday life as the Queen's grandson as a "mixture of The Truman Show‘and a zoo ". Specifically, the soon-to-be father of two stated: "I will make sure that I interrupt this cycle so that I don't pass it on. "
But: what is "genetic pain"?
"In this context I mean experiencing and recognizing one dysfunctional relationship ", summarizes psychotherapist Dominique Kotynek. "We perceive the environment in which we grow up to be normal. In the course of our lives, however, we get to know other people and thus also other families. You may start to compare yourself, recognize other structures and begin to question your own. It I may also notice that there is something wrong with my behavior and that’s actually a shame. " A striking example of this would be an addiction that I have always considered normal based on my family history.
In general, the subject is of course a very sensitive one. After all, it is difficult to seriously question your own structures, which you have always considered familiar. Yes, to even realize that these are not good for you. Expert Kotynek: "Perhaps you will be approached by outsiders and for the first time you will be hurt and angry. However, it is precisely this sensitive reaction that is often a sign that you yourself know that something is wrong here."
"I have clients who have suffered massively from the power of the family for years - regardless of their age."
"Genetic pain" can take various forms. This ranges from the above-mentioned addictions to anxiety or bipolar disorders to depression. But they also express themselves with "banal" things: For example, when you cannot praise or accept it. Because, according to the expert: "If I grew up in a family in which I was never praised, but always criticized, then I have to give praise as well as accept praise‘ learn first. Otherwise it will be difficult for me to do it differently with my own children or in my partnership or with my employees!"
The psychotherapist knows the problem well from her own practice: "Since I work a lot with families, this topic occurs frequently. Clients suffer from dysfunctional or toxic relationships with their family members. I have cases that have their entire professional training according to the wishes of their parents have aligned and for years massively under this decision and suffer from the power of the family - no matter what age. I can also be 45 years old, have started my own family, even have grandchildren, and still feel the pressure of suffering from my own parents. Other clients, on the other hand, have the feeling that, unlike their siblings, they are doing everything wrong and are therefore not so loved by their parents."
Back to Prince Harry, who said in the interview that he was the Break the cycle of "genetic pain" in the Royal Familywould like to. But: how can that work? "What you definitely need for this is the courage and the will to really want to change something," said Kotynek. "The desire for family and cohesion is firmly anchored in us humans, which is why it is not easy to develop our own To question family relationships. "
She feels this to be particularly essential in the first step open conversation about it, even within the closest environment: "It is important not to suppress my concerns or compulsively pretend everything is okay. Often you feel like the 'bogeyman', the black sheep, if you question yourself critically or not behaves as the family would like, but it is good to see that to pay attention to one's own needs and to become aware of systems, in which you don't want to move. This can and should be addressed openly. In such cases, an externally trained person can also be accessed to support a family. "In general, therapy helps to better reflect on what has been learned Uncover beliefs, who have been with you since childhood and may also keep you small.
