Table of contents:
- "I have the feeling that it's about hurt vanity because as a man he doesn't bring home enough money and I have to 'struggle'."
- The expert's advice:
She works full time, he works part time. It burdens him that she deserves more than he does. Read here what our couple therapist advises …
"I have the feeling that it's about hurt vanity because as a man he doesn't bring home enough money and I have to 'struggle'."
My husband, 32, and I, 28, have been married for two years. We are still in love, get on very well and have a harmonious relationship. But we have a problem - and that is the money. I work full-time, earn average, my husband is currently only employed part-time and cannot find another job. Finding a new job is of course very difficult and arduous at the moment. Now I have the opportunity to do a part-time job. That would help us a lot financially. Since this idea, however, the house blessing has been crooked for us. He doesn't want that at all. Of course we would then have less time for each other, but I have the feeling that it is about hurt vanity, because as a man he does not bring home enough money and I have to 'struggle'. I never thought that such traditional ideas were floating around in his head. What should I do? Accepting his will even though we might need the money? Or ignore him and risk damaging our relationship?"
The expert's advice:
Couple counselor, psychologist and author Dr. Michael Schmitz is familiar with relationships and offers realistic advice from a male perspective and with a lot of heart.
Dr. Schmitz: "Neither! Try to weigh together what is important for both of you now. Earning the money you need now is certainly important. At the moment, your husband cannot contribute to the family income what he would like to contribute and what he probably thinks is contributing That has to do with his self-confidence. No question about it. But we can probably assume that the situation will not stay that way forever and the circumstances will change again. So now it's not about the principle, but about temporary interim solutions should not be blocked by acutely injured vanity. You could negotiate with your husband how he could relieve you now and later perhaps contribute to a (financial) settlement, if that is important to him, until you both find a new balance again and without financial Pressure to have more time for each other again. Now you have to adapt to a new reality. Ignorance would only get you further in a bind. M with tight money and then increasing dissatisfaction and the additional frustration of not finding a solution as a couple. Partnership means supporting one another, being there for one another. Overcoming difficulties together. Time for each other is only useful if you both (!) Accept the roles that you are currently taking on, if you both agree. And if you know that an acutely possibly suboptimal role distribution can be optimized again by you under changed conditions.
