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2023 Author: Gabrielle Mercer | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 12:25
Our deputy editor-in-chief Melanie Zingl asks herself whether we should say yes more often or no more often. Read her thoughts on it here - and how it is to be a would-be yes-man.
If I had to summarize the advice I, as a woman in my mid-30s, have heard the most from others, then one sentence has gotten stuck: "You must finally learn to say no." Saying no - without a guilty conscience - to things that take up too much energy or time, that are not good for you or that simply do not fit into your schedule. Because you own desires in the foreground and have to look after yourself.
This is easy for some - but not at all for me. I like to take over (sometimes more, sometimes less) when someone else is absent. I go to appointments with friends because it would be impolite to cancel. Every Monday I decide again to eat really less sugar and do more sport - and then to scrounge sweets from my colleagues by 3 p.m. at the latest. And one always empathizes a bit as a failure, because you just didn't manage to pull off a consistent no again. In all honesty: It doesn't matter! It is enough! time for a new mindset. I'm trying this now …
From the life of a yes-man
Better: a would-be yes-man. At least I practice all of this first. What if we just concentrated on the positive more often? Instead of looking for excuses again and again, become aware of the possibilities that arise when you get involved! Seeing the neglected no in work as a yes to new challenges - It also boosts your own self-confidence when you find out what you can do with it. And the after-work drink with friends that you agreed three weeks ago, although now you would rather chill on the couch?
I had the best evenings when I had the least interest in other people. You don't have adventures at home they take place outside - if you dare to step out of your comfort zone. Another good reason to shout yes more often: If you choose your words consciously, you will feel better too, I just learned from my research. At least that's what mindfulness trainer Stefanie Adam says: "For example, a yes feels completely different in the body than a no. With a yes the heart is wide and the energy can flow. If you say no, on the other hand, the chest is narrow, the heart closed and the energy blocked."
Okay, okay, I have to laugh a little myself as I write these lines because it almost sounds like the post of one of those Instagram connoisseurs. Before I light incense sticks and walk through the office in flowing hippie clothes, I admit: It also has to be no. All mothers in particular will applaud loudly at this point: Have you ever discussed with a four-year-old whether he can play with his gackie or not? Just.
NO - FINAL - OFF
In the past two months, a no has been creeping into my everyday life more and more often. The reason is six months old and goes by the name Pepina - a mixed breed puppy from Romania. "No, the shoe is not for playing!" - "No, don't bite into the charging cable!" - "No, you are not allowed to pee on the carpet."
By the way, with dogs you train it like this: After every no, there is no a treat for motivation. At some point the animal understands: I get something great if I react to it. Not the worst bartering, we must all agree on that, no matter if yes or no. We may, no, we have to reward ourselves more often. That is the only important conclusion. So where is the chocolate? It's only a little before twelve, but hey, life is short. And we should definitely say yes to anything that is fun more often.