As a mother, is it allowed to be human and also to make mistakes? Or do you always have to be the perfect super mom? Our author Susanne is still looking for the right answer to these questions …
As a child, I preferred to dress up as a cat for Mardi Gras. Sometimes as a ladybug or a princess. What I never wanted to be: Superman. Not even Batman, Wonder Woman or Spiderman. In short, I never wanted to be a superhero.
Maybe that's why it's so difficult for me to find my way into this role today. Because my children are obviously assuming that if I don't lay eggs, then at least I'm a supergirl. Always ready to stand by the oppressed (my boys) and to help them through all crises with a mild smile at any time of the day or night (for example that the gummy bears are empty).
Don't get me wrong: it's nice to be needed. It's great that my beloved children (still) think of me that I could not only get rid of the gummy bear problem, but also Corona and climate change myself during the lunch break.
"I never wanted to be a superhero."
Only, unfortunately: Supermom I am not. I am far from being a superhero. Unfortunately, I am completely human. I have neither superpowers nor eight arms (God, that would often be useful!), Nor can I divide myself into four parts - and unfortunately I cannot cure Corona either. Instead, like everyone else, I have my weaknesses and faults, I am sometimes (ok, often) in a bad mood, annoyed, tired …
The question is: is it allowed as a mom? On the one hand, I am of the opinion that my boys should learn that mom and dad sometimes make mistakes and are not always in a good mood. On the other hand, I immediately feel guilty when I scold them about something just because I'm tired and grumpy.
In truth, you want to be the super mom for the children who always laughs, has time to play and takes every problem with humor. And honestly, I do my best every day to be that for my boys. But every day I come up against my limits again.
Often it doesn't even need a problem. On some days the mere "on-call duty" is enough for me. Like so many families, we have spent a lot of time at home for more than a year - more than we would like. Home schooling, quarantine, precautionary measures - since Corona we have been crouching on top of each other like hens in a battery. There is very little time for yourself. And in combination with the art of absolute appropriation that small children have about them, Supermom that is often too much.
»Would I have to say" Mama! " Drink a shot of nut schnapps a day, and on some days I would have been severely poisoned by alcohol at lunchtime."
My boys are no longer so small that they run after me to the toilet and enthusiastically comment on every process. But they still believe that mom shouldn't miss any of the important thoughts they have on a long day. And there are very many! Mom, look, I've put a new hairstyle on my Playmobil Manderl! Mom, look what a funny face I can make! Mom, i'm hungry! Mama, I'm faaad! Mama, Maaamma …! I would have to say "Mama!" If I drink a shot of nut schnapps a day, on some days I would have been severely alcohol poisoned by noon.
I really like to look at their grimaces. And their Playmobil Manderl. And I deliver snacks at a frequency like the running sushi restaurant. But at some point I just want my holy rest for five minutes!
Unfortunately, I haven't been able to convey this concept to my boys adequately so far. Do you know that if you just want to drink ONE sip of your coffee in peace, so that you can go from being a complete zombie to a halfway human being in the morning? But before your lips even touch the rim of the cup once, do you have to spread bread and butter in a chord, wipe up the contents of fallen glasses, pick up rolls that have fallen down and avoid jam shots that have fallen down?
"In situations like this, I always make up my mind to do better the next day."
Or if you only want to lie in the bathtub for ten minutes in the evening because now your dad can take over? And while you are still thinking: "This is heaven on earth, who needs a thermal bath weekend?", The door is already being thrown open and two half-naked children are ass-bombs with the battle cry, "Great, Mama, you are lying in the bathtub, come here we in too! " to you in the bubble bath.
In such situations, unfortunately, my collar regularly bursts on bad days. And while I'm still exploding and yelling at the dear little ones that Mom NEEDS FIVE MINUTES OF REST, I can already see how I have successfully wiped the broad grin off their faces and the lower lip is starting to tremble. Bravo, supermom, great job!
In situations like this, I always make up my mind to do better the next day. Even with the 642nd "Maaaama!" to have an open ear during the day. Not to freak out, because they just like to be around me and want to share their thoughts with me (even if they are only about Lego dinosaurs and Pfurzkissen).
It hasn't really worked out yet. Because unfortunately mom is only human. Or maybe a superhero after all? The unbelievable Hulk would come to my mind, who regularly gets so upset that he turns green …
About the author: Susanne Holzer is a freelance writer from Salzburg. Together with Sybille Maier-Ginther, she writes in the honest mom blog "Hand on Heart" about what life with a child really is like. You can find more of the two on Facebook / HandaufsHerzblog.