5 signs couples therapy makes sense

Do we all give up too quickly when problems arise in our relationship? When couples therapy makes sense. And why nothing is embarrassing about it.

Do you know the old saying, "If you have to work too hard on a relationship, then it's very likely not the right relationship?" There is some truth to it, d'accord. But it is also a fact that relationships are now and then really incredibly complicated and exhausting and exhausting.

They are somewhat reminiscent of the ebb and flow of the tide. Flut: Everything is beautiful there, it works. Ebbe: It becomes painful and confusing, it becomes desperate. Especially when there is no one to guide us through this time of ebb and show us a way how we can still find a positive solution.

Couples therapy: Still an admission of failure for many

Of course, it makes sense to question a relationship when there are countless seemingly unsolvable challenges. But if there is a piece of love, then a way out can be sought before everything is thrown away. Unfortunately, "couples therapy" still smacks of shame because you failed as a couple. The name alone contributes to this: "Therapy". That sounds like illness.

But: if we feel sick, we go to the doctor. We make an appointment for a masseuse if our back is tense. We look for a coach when we are planning the next step in our career. But when our relationship gets into trouble, we shy away from seeking professional help.

When couples therapy makes sense

Do you have to run to couples therapy at the first row? Of course not. (Although such an annual "preventive check-up" makes perfect sense.) But there are a few sticking points where it can help to find a compromise or a solution with the help of a neutral observer:

1. You keep arguing

Let's start with the obvious. When you and your partner can hardly have a normal conversation without ending up in an argument, then it is time to seek … and get help. Arguing in relationships is not abnormal or terrible. Most couples just don't know how to fight successfully. That doesn't mean there is a winner. Rather, a successfully resolved conflict leads to a solution that not only allows both of you to save face, but with which both can live well. Most couples, however, get caught up in a toxic cycle of attack, defense, and finger pointing. Couples therapy teaches you how to better hold discussions, communicate more effectively, and avoid behaviors that are harmful to love.

2. You rub yourself up against the same behavior all the time

We all carry a backpack full of experiences we have had in our lives. The way our parents reacted when we were angry as children, bullying at school, cheating in a previous relationship - all of these shape us. And we haven't fully processed most of it yet. Does your partner withdraw when you criticize? He's no longer talking to you and pouting back in a corner - what makes you upset again? If, like in a repetition loop, there is certain behavior leading to escalation, then couples therapy can help create awareness of the triggers and patterns. In the best case (and with a lot of practice!) This helps break out of the negative loop.

3. The basic conditions of your life are changing

Couples therapy is not only suitable for couples who are already at war. It can also help if something fundamental changes in your life and you need someone who can work with you to explore different ways of setting up yourself in this new setting. This can be the departure of the children as well as a long-distance relationship caused by a move. The therapist can help you work together better as a team and achieve common goals.

4. Your sex life has fallen asleep

Children, job, constant stress, lack of attraction. There are many reasons couples stop making love with each other. A couples therapist helps to look below the surface and to look for the real cause of the disturbance in sexual equilibrium - and supports so that the spark of passion may glow again.

5. You have different views on dear money

It is - as sad as it sounds - one of the most common reasons for divorce: discussions about money and finances. Who pays how much, what is the common money spent on, what is saved for, the fear of not having enough money … All of this wears down love. But it's worth more than a few euros. Which is why it makes perfect sense to de-escalate the delicate topic with the help of a therapist and to come to a common denominator with your partner in matters of finances.