5 reasons why I won't move in with my boyfriend

I'm almost 30 and have been with my partner for 5 years. I moved in July. From my own apartment to my own apartment. That met with a lack of understanding in the family as well as in the circle of friends and work … or at least inquiries. At this point I am quoting my actually relaxed grandma: "But do you want to stay alone forever now? And how do you imagine that with children ?!"

Dear grandma, I don't yet know exactly how I imagine it to be with children. But now I'm enjoying a life model for the time being, something in English "Living Apart Together" called. And that is quite simply different from the conventional relationship development of "falling in love, getting married, moving in together and having children". Living separately together is much more likely. You are in a steady relationship, but you don't live together. And not as a compromise solution.

Why? I have at least 5 good reasons why it is great to enjoy autonomy and freedom even in a long-term relationship!

1. The best of both worlds

What is more important? Autonomy and independence or cohesion and closeness? If you don't want to compromise, the LAT couple is the best choice. It is a desired combination of a close personal relationship and the greatest possible economic and spatial independence.

Disadvantage? Honestly? Two apartments in the same house or in the same Grätzl would be an absolute dream. Then the only annoying thing - the "commute" between the two apartments would be eliminated. Anyone who believes that closeness suffers and the "everyday" is bypassed is wrong. "Being alone together" also works at separate addresses, this nice familiarity when one person is taking care of dinner in the kitchen and the other is lounging on the couch, lost in thought, with a book. Nevertheless:

2. More conscious relationship

Those who live separately avoid the grueling little bits of everyday life and live relationships more consciously. You enjoy each other's chocolate sides, as it is otherwise only possible with an affair: You make an appointment, look forward to the meeting, make a little effort for the other - with the bonus that you already know each other inside out. But you can wake up alone in the morning when you feel like having a lot of space in bed, a good movie and a lot of rest - without offending the other.

3. Autonomy and freedom

Those who do not live together automatically have times of distance and the need for freedom is almost fulfilled by itself. Everyone does their thing, if you want to see each other, you see yourself very consciously and thanks to your smartphone you are almost always in touch anyway. If the longing is too great, you can still commute to the "second home" after midnight … and it also welds together to have breakfast together in the other's apartment and then paint the living room. With the advantage of not having to discuss the choice of color.

4. Less potential for controversy

In the end, a LAT couple simply misses out on a lot of potential for controversy. The other's finances? Not really your problem? The kitchen in your partner's apartment is not as tidy as you would like it to be? You don't care either. Unfortunately, the toilet paper in yours ran out because you forgot to get new ones in good time? Your friend will at most laugh about it and bring some with him on the way to you. What do I mean by that?

5. More space

Just because there are two apartments does not mean that you have to be separated all the time and that there is no everyday life. Especially now in the Corona period, for example, it is incredibly nice to enjoy the luxury of two apartments. For example, one has the advantage of being in the middle of the city, while the other is perfect for the weekend and long walks in nature. During the week they work in the city apartment, at the weekend they prefer to meet in the suburbs.