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She wants to fixate herself and make plans, he prefers to keep everything open. What our couple advisor says about it.
He has feelings for me, but says I deserve better …
"I, 22, have been more or less together with my boyfriend, 24, for four months. We are both students. I'm very much in love with him, but the other way round, I'm not so sure. We have fun together, we have mutual friends, it suits me well, but I keep getting the feeling that it is slipping out of my hands.
I like to make plans, e.g. B. for a longer trip after the Corona period. That alone is stress for him. He has already said several times that I'm a great woman, that he has feelings for me, but that I deserve something better than him. What does this statement mean? I can not do anything with it. Whenever I think that everything is fine, I get a message like this. I like him very much, but I don't get along well with these vibrations, that's how I see it. What can I do?"
The expert's advice:
Couple counselor, psychologist and author Dr. Michael Schmitz is familiar with relationships and offers realistic advice from a male perspective and with a lot of heart.
Dr. Schmitz: "Your friend would like to enjoy the time with you now. But he doesn't want to plan anything for the future. When you talk about what you have in mind, he apparently feels pressured - and therefore gets stressed. He doesn't want to commit and remains non-binding. When he hears that you want more, he evades. He tries to keep you at a distance with a statement that men more often choose when they remain non-binding but don't want to admit it. They then say: " You deserve a better one. "They don't say:" I don't want to promise you anything "- because they fear that the woman they are" having fun with "might turn away. Women who are in love then quickly contradict the man. Precisely because they are in love and hope that he feels just as intensely as they do. They notice that needs - beyond the moment - do not really match. They describe it exactly. They feel shocks. "Together" you are "more or less." whom iger ". They do not have a common vision. If it is still mostly nice for you, you can perhaps wait and see whether it develops any more (after only four months). But don't be very disappointed if it doesn't happen and he sticks to his non-commitment. I think that's more likely. But you are young and you still have a lot to do. Make good use of the opportunities now presented and stay open to new ones.