Micro-cheating in relationships: cheating before the actual cheating

Relocate names, delete chats, secrecy and Co.: Is this where the fraud in a relationship begins? We explain the phenomenon of micro-cheating.

A new word made it into the dating dictionary to describe all the little ways you can be unfaithful. The term coined by the Australian couples therapist and coach Melanie Schilling Micro-cheating means something like "mini-cheating". It's a gray area in which you can tell yourself that your own behavior isn't problematic at all.

How do you recognize micro-cheating?

It's a series of seemingly minor acts that indicate that a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside of the relationship. "You can micro-cheat by secretly talking to someone else on social media when you are Downplayed the seriousness of his relationship or if you save a person under a different name in your cell phone, "Schilling explains to the Australian Daily Mail." These are all signs that you are having a secret flirt."

So it's not about kissing, sex, or dating. All of this is classic cheating, depending on what you define as such in a monogamous partnership. Micro-cheating, on the other hand, is often about actions that happen at first not even perceived as a fraudbecause nothing "actually" happened. It was not "really" cheated. Even so, such behavior can when it comes to light that Damage relationship in the long term or even destroy it. Trust is a great asset. Being able to feel safe in a partnership is incredibly important.

Specific examples of mini-cheating:

• Write Instagram or Facebook messages to someone you are not friends with in the hope of making contact
• Replying to a specific person's Instagram stories over and over again
• Using dating apps - just "for fun" to "take a look around"
• Delete chats or mute them so that the partner remains clueless
• Save the flirt under a fake, harmless name. "Johanna von Tinder" suddenly becomes "Bernd from accounting" …
• Flirt with someone in the club, park or supermarket and ask them for their Instagram profile to keep in touch
• Hiding or downplaying the relationship status ("I'm taken, but things haven't been going well with us for a long time …")

Surely you will still be allowed to flirt?

Well - eh. But there is a difference between a harmless flirtation and the deliberate betrayal of your partner. It's not about not being able to find other women or men attractive anymore. "Of course you will still feel attracted to other people. You are married and not dead!", Put it the relationship therapist and author Dr. Tammy Nelson once so apt. Nor is it about checking one's partner and constantly scouring the other person's cell phone for signs of fraud. It's about trust, communication and respect - and why someone hides things at all. "If you have the feeling that you have to hide something - ask yourself why," says Melanie Schilling.